Spiritual Realities #2c – The Power to Make Peace: Home Again

All About Power

a different apt.

A new intake representative filled the open position at the apartment complex where I used to live. When my daughter heard this, she took it upon herself to make an appointment with him.

She began to tell him about the circumstances which led to my current homelessness: how management kept sending me eviction brochures, requiring that I reapply to live with my daughter, and after I had left, had maintenance illegally enter her apartment without her permission to make sure my belongings weren’t there. Yep. It pays to have friends in the same complex who kept watch for us!

The intake rep was not a happy man. What words passed between him and the dishonest Christian manager I do not know; but I was home again within a week of my daughter’s visit. Afterwards, the intake rep called us in and personally apologized to my daughter and me, saying I was never removed from the lease document. We could hear the manager “shuffling papers” in his nearby office.

To make real peace, though, I sought him out later—the person whose power had brought me to experience homelessness, unrighteousness, and pain. I found him by the mailbox one day and offered my hand, so that pono (righteousness) might be restored between us. After all, he was a “positional” Christian, and like it or not, Jesus commanded us to agape-love brothers and sisters in Christ (John 13.34; 1 John 2:8, 10; 2 John 5, 6). A command leaves no other options or alternatives open, does it!

In response, the manager took my hand and inquired if I had moved back in “okay”. I couldn’t reply with words, but I suppose my gentle hand-squeeze and the silent tears that ran down my cheeks had said more than enough. Being thus reconciled with a Christian brother, I returned to my previous lifestyle and activities.

Next time: #2d – The Power of Choice: What You Sow, You Reap

Scriptures are taken from the Holy Bible, King James Version, Cambridge 1769. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Spiritual Realities #2b – The Power to Make Do: A Nomadic Lifestyle

All About Power

Homelessness was my life now. Ostracism clung to me like a drowning friend; and paranoia tagged along wherever I went.

Disruption by civil authorities, who were constantly forcing us to move elsewhere, promised to be an unwelcome daily irritation in the humiliating life of a soul wishing to be left alone. Really? We can’t even lick our wounds in peace?!

Our difficulty is trying to find a place to stay during the day. At least I could leave my stuff at my sister’s and not look so obviously homeless, but others weren’t so lucky. They carried their belongings with them wherever they went. I was better off than they were. At least I could blend in with “normal people” at the mall; or have a cup of juice at a public table. I’d make that juice last a very l-o-n-g time because I hated to be on the move again. Americans don’t even think about how difficult it is to live a nomadic lifestyle. We’re used to settling in one place and taking for granted that we can do so without disruption.

Yet, today’s lawful intrusions make the homeless feel like criminals, even though we’re assured that being homeless isn’t a crime. Really? We would laugh at your “compassionate disruption” if it weren’t so painfully obvious that the term was connived in the comfort of a board room—over coffee—with sophisticated members like Aloof Rationale and Self Justification!

Sad, isn’t it, when another homeless person simply nods at you in passing? We recognize and empathize with each others' hopelessness. One nod is enough. Words are useless mockeries.

Finally, after many unproductive and seemingly endless hours had accumulated into eleven miserable months, my heart was ready. Ready? To forgive the person who—through use of deceptive insinuations and managerial maneuverings—had brought me to homelessness.

That’s the moment when God became my advocate, and small miracles began to occur to correct the situation in my favor!

Next week: #2c –  The Power to Make Peace: Home Again

Spiritual Realities #2a – The Powers That Be: Homeless and Hurting

All About Power

bird watching

Adjusting to homelessness isn’t easy. The mental-emotional stresses we daily face are overwhelming. Even now, I’m not so sure that anyone truly “adjusts” to homelessness. Instead, we struggle and we cope. Our daily provisions come from kindhearted ordinary people like yourself, or charitable organizations through whom we become recipients of the Father’s care (Matthew 6:25-34). Jesus, too, depended upon that Same Care when he had no permanent place to lay his head, yes?

As many new homeless people do, my heart grieved over my loss. What did I have left to hold on to except an unseen God in whom I had placed my faith? Faith told me that God had my back. Faith reminded me that God knew where I lay my head. Faith assured me that God shared my sorrow; that he understood my pain, my anger—especially when I wanted to lash out at the powers that could manipulate my lifestyle so freely, so drastically, and so cruelly.

Due to my changed living conditions, new issues surfaced that previously would have remained dormant. I don’t take drugs; I don’t drink; and as a past mental health therapist, I was surprised to find how easily paranoia surfaced in my mind. Whenever I entered stores, the workers seemed to dog my steps, watching me from across the aisle as if I was going to steal. Whenever I strolled about in town, it seemed that cops’ cars tended to pass by me slower than necessary. Was my homelessness so obvious to them all?

More than that there’s absolutely nothing for a homeless person to do during the day. Even worse, if you’re not part of a homeless family or belong to a group of homeless chronics—both for whom care is available—then what do the rest of us have to keep us busy? Nothing. We’re loners. We feel ostracized from the human race of empowered people, who have someplace to go, something to do, and somewhere to live.

At least nighttime was better. I had a safe place to lay my head. By six the next morning, I vacated my sister’s couch, not wishing to abuse her generous offer. Lucky me. Unlike other homeless people, I at least had a place to shower and groom.

Next week: #2b –  The Power to Make Do: A Nomadic Lifestyle

Spiritual Realities #2 – Faith: The Power to Trust God

All About Power

Not where I lived

Happily, I was the victim of a cruel deception visited upon me by the office manager where I lived. Obviously, the haole manager didn’t like this Hawaiian girl. After I had returned from visiting with my elder daughter on the Big Island, he began to send me brochures that spoke about “illegally” being a renter. The office said I had to reapply in order to live there again with my younger daughter. More brochures arrived all indicating “eviction” not only for me, but for my younger daughter as well if she continued to allow me to live there.

I sought help from an attorney at Legal Aid. Looking back, he was young, naïve, and also haole. He called the manager on the phone. Whatever was discussed between them resulted in his inability to take the case. I said I would write a letter asking him to cancel my case. Afterwards, I packed and left my daughter’s apartment. I did not want to endanger her living arrangements.

I was homeless now. I stood under evening shadows and silently waved “goodbye” to my ‘ohana, who waved back at me from the kitchen window of their apartment.

As if on a gentle breeze, a bible verse “walked” across my mind. “All things work for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28). Was God asking me to trust him no matter how my homeless situation unfolded? I slept in my car that first night, on the side of a highway. Later, my own excellent sister provided a sofa and temporary safe place to lay my head.

As many nights accumulated into long uncertain months, the power to trust God stayed with me.

Next week: #2a - The Powers That Be: Homeless and Hurting